Hoxie Rae - Etta James James Vibes Meet Modern Betrayal Blues

Hoxie Rae - Etta James Vibes

 [Speaker 1]

I was real as it comes, I know you like that, right?

[Speaker 3]

Meet Hoxie Rae, New York's indie soul firestorm channeling Ma Rainey's grit, Etta James' fire and Sharon Jones' swagger into pure, unfiltered magic. She chose her name, Hoxie, to honor her steel-willed grandmother, who became her rock, and Rae from her childhood nickname. From a note from an unknown admirer that was placed on her New York City apartment door that read, you sound good, keep going, changed everything.

Her latest tune, just recently made available, Heal, is a slow burn anthem of rising from betrayal's ashes. R&B, blues, jazz, pop noir, Hoxie's stepping into her boldest self, and she's just getting started. Hoxie Rae, the future of soul starts here.

Now here's The Trout with Hoxie. Enjoy this up and coming musical talent. I see the talent that you have in songwriting.

[Speaker 1]

Thank you.

[Speaker 2]

And you've obviously already surrounded yourself, either by happenstance or by luck, with some great people that can make a great recording for you, because I'm a producer myself, and I can listen to stuff, and it's interesting, I pick up on stuff. My wife always tells me, you don't listen to music like I do. You know, she said, yeah, I just listen for fun.

You're listening for okay. Okay, so I'm listening to Heal, and the little delays that are in there, those are those little touches that I go, that's really cool, the way they put that little thing. So let's start out with that.

I'll get to your life and all that good stuff. Let's talk about that song. Okay.

Tell me the concept on it, and then how do you write? Do you write on a piano, do you write on a guitar, or how do you write?

[Speaker 1]

So, you know, I've always been writing here and there, like throughout my life, but I just recently, around 2020, I started really writing music, and I really write pretty impulsively. It's usually a breaking point, where I'm in too much pain, and I don't know what else to do, so I end up writing, and I think, you know, around the time that I wrote this song, I was actually traveling, I was traveling in my car, I was driving from Michigan down to Texas, actually, and you know, it's a journey, and when you're alone with yourself for quite some time, you really start to reflect on, at least for me, I started to really reflect on the relationships that I had, and the people that hurt me, and I couldn't understand why I kept blaming myself, when the reality was that we were never going to be aligned, because their reality was wildly different than mine, and I think I've had to, through music, I've been able to trust myself a little bit more in my own intuition, because with these types of relationships, and I hate to say it so bluntly, but with narcissists and emotional abuse, it really wears at your self-esteem over a period of time, so for me to come out of these types of dynamics, and you know, be alone, and start to process everything, I just, I guess I reached a point where I was like, I feel like there's nothing else that I can do, because I would sit around, and you know, I'm in, I forgot the name of the town, oh man, it's like a half hour outside of Austin, oh, Cedar Park, I think I was

[Speaker 2]

there. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a suburb.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah. It was, it was great over there, so I would, you know, I'd go to Austin sometimes during the day, and I would explore, and then I'd go back, but you know, it's totally two different worlds between Austin and there, so I would write a lot. I would wake up, and I would write, I would go to sleep, and I was writing, and I just think I came to a point where I just needed to stop blaming myself, and I don't mean to go on too much of a tangent, it's just, I'm still working through a lot of this, if I'm being totally honest, and it's, you know, it's quite the journey, I think, in trusting your own truth, and being able to share that with people, but without blaming anyone specific, you know?

[Speaker 2]

How long did you stay here in Texas?

[Speaker 1]

A couple weeks, yeah, a couple weeks.

[Speaker 2]

Are you originally from New York?

[Speaker 1]

Yes, yes, I really wanted to kind of see if there were other places, I wanted to find myself, as silly as that sounds, I know people travel for all different reasons, but...

[Speaker 2]

I understand.

[Speaker 1]

I felt really broken, and I had only really lived in New York for most of my life, and I wanted to change, and I ended up all over, and it was great, it was truly cathartic for me, I think that's why I am so strong in my messaging, because it's taken me so many years to just get to where I am right now, and even though it's not a straight path forward, I know where I'm headed, and I know my intention, and it's really to help, of course, like you were saying, when you write, you write for yourself, I have to write for myself, if I'm not writing for myself, I feel like I'm not... I know there's no right way to do it, but I feel like, for me, that's the wrong way, I can't just write to make other people happy, and...

[Speaker 2]

No, you'll never succeed doing that.

[Speaker 1]

Exactly, I mean, but I was living my life for other people, I really mean that, I didn't realize the amount of sacrifice that I was putting into myself, I was sacrificing so much of my own happiness to sustain a lot of the relationships of people in my life, and I mean, people that were very, very close to me, like, relationships that are hard to rip away from, and that's why I don't like to talk about anyone in particular, because it's a series of different people, I like to think of it like, just different bodies, but same pattern, you know, and the true, like, waking moment for me is writing this song and being able to come out with it and talk with it, talk about it in a way where I'm not ashamed, I'm not blaming myself, that was the whole purpose of writing this, like, I didn't want to blame myself anymore for other people's behavior, that's what I did for many, many years, like, too many years.

[Speaker 2]

So here's a very important question. When you heard the final mix of Heal, did you cry? Do you remember listening to it for the final time, and you listened to, I remember writing songs like that, and I'm going like, it just, there's a release valve there.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, you know, I think what happened was, I wrote it, and I kind of left it, I just left it alone, it was kind of like, I wrote it, I recorded it, I, you know, Brendan's amazing, he produced it, and Brendan Keenan, and he sent it over, and I loved it, I remember I loved it, but I didn't, I needed to still process, I was still processing everything, and I write, like, you know, it wasn't really, it was kind of impulsive, like, I kind of really truly, I wrote it, and I recorded it, and then it was done, and I was like, I don't know, yeah, and I didn't know exactly what I would do with that, but what happened was, I was, you know, I was in my car, and I would say, maybe I should listen to that, like, let's just see, you know, and that's really when those moments of, like, you know, this, this feel, I feel something when I listen to this, you know, and I think, I'm a huge perfectionist, I think it's really hard to determine, you know, when you're done with a song, especially as a new artist, like, it's all very important to me, but I want to have all the music in the world right now, I really do, like, I'm very focused on the art that I'm making, you know, right now, so, you know, coming to peace with the fact that, you know, it was a moment in time, it's, and it's, that's it, it was a moment in time, and now we're here, and hopefully it can continue on, but yeah, I hope, I don't know if that makes too much sense. When I was, like, on the road by myself, I really miss the water, like, a lot, and I think, the second I left New York, and this is, like, so typical, I'm, like, I'm not coming back, I'm done, right, and, like, in a minute, I was, like, I kind of miss the city, I kind of miss the water, and over time, it's, like, okay, I think I'm gonna go back, like, I just really miss, New York City is truly an anomaly on its own, especially after visiting so many different cities, I mean, obviously, cities are, every city has its own, like, true beauty, I think, and I love that, but New York specifically is incredible, it's just something that's not repeatable, at least, I think, from my opinion, and maybe I'm biased, because I'm, you know,

[Speaker 2]

I'm from New York, but I can tell you, going to London, Paris, let me think about Berlin, all those, I've been to all those cities, it's the same everywhere, it's just, it's a different vibe.

When did you start performing? Were you young? Did you start playing the piano, or did you start singing?

Tell me a little bit about that.

[Speaker 1]

Well, I mean, I think that's the funny part. I held it in for a really long time, I really only sang privately, like, in the shower for most of my life, honestly, um, and it wasn't until I was living in the East Village, in this tiny, tiny apartment, I was in so much pain, I could not hold it in anymore. And I started to just belt out.

I've actually at that point, I was too afraid to sing even in the shower, because there were so many people, my apartment was so small, like, my neighbor, he already didn't like me, you know what I mean? I keep my TV pretty loud. You know, I was in my 20s, I was going through it, I was having a hard time either way.

Yeah, one day, I just said, I really need to release somehow. And I just started, I would put my phone on or whatever. And I would just start to sing.

And I didn't think I could sing, like, for real, I really didn't. And I would go at this point, I was kind of going to open mics, and I would just sit there and watch. And I would also, this is really sad, but I would not sad, but I really wanted it.

So I would go into karaoke rooms, too. And I would rent out a room. And I would just practice just to see, like, am I delusional?

Like, do I like doing this? Is this something that I like? Do I have to keep judging myself every time I try this?

Like, because, like I said, these, these, when you're around types of energies that tend to drain you subconsciously, whether you know it or not, you for me, I really did give more than I could to many, many people, and they would just take from me. And I realized that there's no end to that, though.

[Speaker 2]

No, no, no, people take from you all the rest of your life. Exactly.

[Speaker 1]

So, you know, I'm in realizing that I've slowly come into my own and like, well, I just like to do this. This is just something that I like to do. But it started out really, really slowly in that apartment, just singing in the shower.

One time I went out, I'll never forget it, because it was like a breaking point for me, there was a note on my door that said, you know, you sound good, keep going. And I was like, Oh my God, I sound good. Someone thinks I sound good.

Like, that's crazy. I remember being like, maybe this could maybe I could do this. If I like to do this, then why shouldn't I?

Right.

[Speaker 2]

And did you know the person that put the note on your I'm sorry, did you know the person? You know what that was? Do you know what that was?

Whether you believe it or not, that was a God moment.

[Speaker 1]

Oh, yeah, for sure. Definitely. That probably happened in the very, very beginning of 2020.

And then what happened actually was my, my, one of my best friends, she was like a mentor. And my best friend, she was 91 or 92. I always mess that up.

I'm like, I'm sure she's like mad at me. But she passed in 2020.

[Speaker 2]

She was in her 90s. That's the best way to say it.

[Speaker 1]

Because when you get that far, it doesn't matter what you know, I know, I know. But I just think of her like, No, I was 92. Anyway, she was like, such a light in my life.

And before she passed, I was, I was really trying to cope with the fact that she wouldn't be here anymore. I really relied on her for everything. Like I've, it was devastating for me to lose her.

And one of the last things that she said to me was, she said, What are you doing with your music? And I said, nothing. And she said, Why not?

And I said, I'm scared. And there was so much fear behind it. It's not about the fear.

It was about me being myself that I was afraid of. And I remember she said, What do you think is gonna happen? Do you think the floor is gonna fall out from under you?

And it sounded ridiculous to me. But I was like, that's true. Yeah, kind of like, that's kind of how I feel.

And, um, you know, then 2020 happened, you know, a couple months later, and, and I've, it's been a journey, like, I've really had to work hard on allowing myself to have fun with it. And to enjoy myself, like, singing and writing and music is something that I'm, I love to do it, it makes me really sad that I would take that away for myself, or I would deprive myself of that I never want to do that ever again. And I want to encourage everyone, when they're second guessing their intuition, like I did for many, many years, listen to that, you know, I want people to say, Why am I?

Why am I doubting myself? Like, because there was never any reason for me to actually doubt myself other than that people around me telling me to. And I don't mean just with music.

I mean, with me just being a person and existing.

[Speaker 2]

So, well, you're here's the thing, creative people. We're all weird. I'm sure people already told you this, I can tell by just talking to you.

And the people you like, you're listening, you're kind of an old soul.

[Speaker 1]

Yeah, for sure.

[Speaker 2]

I mean, you're hanging out with 90 year old people.

[Speaker 1]

Yes.

[Speaker 2]

Your friends are like, Why are you hanging out with somebody? Oh, my God, they're ancient. But you got something out of that, that they would have never got out of it.

And it still gets you when you talk about it. So you're in that mode of you probably getting past the fact that I'm not worthy. I should I know what I'm doing.

You'll always continually try to be better. We all do that. I bring an album out, okay, I'm going to work on the next one has to be better than that.

And people say, What do you mean it's better? Well, you just you know, it's better. You know, and then so tell me something about your childhood.

You grew up, you play a lot of time along. Okay. Do you have siblings in your family?

Are you the only child? Or what's all that about?

[Speaker 1]

Well, I have a brother, and I have four siblings that are in there further away, but we have a pretty close relationship. And, you know, I think it's really interesting, honestly, and it's kind of difficult for me to talk about if I'm being totally honest, because my childhood, little Yeah, no, that's okay. I mean, I want to talk about these things.

Because that was a big reason I came, I spend time on Long Island, I like to be who I am now with all the growth that I've achieved on my own. And I don't mean that in a grandiose way. I just mean I see through conditioning.

Now I see through just people that are not authentic, honestly. And I think it's, it is challenging and refreshing for me to be here to be back here. But to answer your question, I have five siblings.

And, and, you know, I think, yeah, I really, it's interesting to talk about, I think, for me, because it was kind of a culture shock in a weird way to come back here after doing so much, like processing and really trying to get to the bottom of why I spent so many years doubting myself and, and almost like hiding, if I'm being honest, like I just would hide, you know, I think we're talking about not feeling worthy.

I was like, I'm not where the end I'm going to disappear. You know what I mean? I think now it's like, I don't even think about that.

I'm just like, I like doing this. This is what I love to do. Who cares?

Like, let's just see what happens. And it's, it's not even but to think that I was, you know, paying for a karaoke room just to sit by myself for two hours, just to just to hear myself just to see like, what do I sound like? Oh, it's like, it's kind of it's just refreshing for me, I think.

But I will say, most of my siblings are all older. So you know, everyone's kind of living their own life, which is great. But for sure, I mean, I do hope in the future, I could talk more transparently about, you know, my upbringing.

And that I will say, I've been very blessed all throughout my life. It's just, I'm still processing a lot of a lot of the first half of my life. And that's just me being truly candid with you.

Like, I don't know how else to answer these questions. Like, you know, it's funny, because if you were to ask me this, when I was 13, I would have been like, Oh, it's you know what I mean? It's just so much happens in between and family trauma and trauma in general is a big part of my story and my music.

And I really hope that I can get to the bottom of it and speak about it in a in a cathartic way, if that makes sense.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah, I think what you're going to be doing is speaking through your music all the time.

[Speaker 3]

Retired or getting ready to retire. David Smith, your Edward Jones financial advisor is passionate about helping you craft the retirement you've always dreamed of. With over 20 years of experience, David creates personalized financial strategies to secure your nest egg, fund that dream vacation, or build a lasting legacy for your family.

At Edward Jones, it's not just about wealth. It's about living your rich life. Whether you're enjoying more time with grandkids or exploring new adventures.

David's here to guide you every step of the way. Proud sponsor of the trout show. He's committed to making your retirement vibrant and worry free.

Connect with David Smith today. Call 469-372-1587 to start planning your retirement now. And oh, by the way, David can assist anybody located in 48 continental United States.

Call David today at 469-372-1587.

[Speaker 1]

I think you asked me earlier when I started performing. I don't know. But it was in 2022.

I joined two cover bands. And oh, my God, the joy that I got out of that. It was crazy.

I mean, I remember I would just I still think about it. There was one gig that we had. And I remember this woman.

I could cry thinking about it. It just she was dancing all night, all night. And she came up to me after and she said, you know, I just had a death in my family and I really want to thank you for playing tonight.

And I said, are you like I my heart just melted. I mean, all I want to do is music is beautiful in that way. And it saved me when I was in pain, like in that tiny apartment.

And I thought, oh, my God, I can't even believe that I just took someone out of whatever they were feeling, even if it's just for one second. I saw her dancing all night. And like, that's one of those moments where I'm like, it's not even about I do it for me because it feels good, but it's not about me doing it.

You know, it's like it's about community. It's about joy. It's about feeling love all together.

And I want to have that so badly for my own music. But, you know, I'm still I'm writing right now that there was a person that helped produce your songs. Oh, Brendan Keenan.

Yes. OK, so actually right now I'm working on an EP. I have a couple of different songs that are done.

Yeah. And I mean, I am heavily, heavily focused on writing and I honestly feel like. It's such a growth process for me every time I step in the studio and every time I write, I feel like I'm pushing myself to be more myself, like these songs are really, truly just the beginning.

I love that I'm getting good feedback, but I genuinely can't wait to see what I come up with because I feel like I'm not where I want to be yet as an artist. And I think it just comes with the using that muscle of writing consistently, recording consistently, performing, you know, and the whole kind of package. I've never done all of these things at once because my journey started a little bit later and because I had to work through these obstacles of can I sing to like who cares if I could sing or not?

I just like doing it. I'm excited. I really am like I'm I'm genuinely kind of excited to see what happens.

I will never stop doing this. It's my favorite thing to do. And I think especially now that especially being here, I'm like I can never.

This is amazing. I feel incredibly grateful to just to get to talk to people about. About life and music and what it can do for all of us, it's.

It's I hate to be so cliche, but it really is such a beautiful thing for me to be a part of. It's funny because, you know, when I first started like really diving into the industry and meeting people, you start to I started to see. The under the under the underlay of, you know, the business and where people do people do music for all sorts of different things, right?

Yeah. I had to really come to terms with the fact that I'm doing this to be myself because I've never given myself that chance. And it's just as simple as that.

I don't do it like almost like everything else is almost extra for me right now because I'm like I didn't even expect anything. I just wanted to be myself. I just wanted to feel comfortable with myself like that is something that I have never done.

I know that's crazy. I know that's crazy.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Speaker 1]

And I think as a musician. I'm sure as time goes on, I'll want different things maybe. But right now I'm just truly focused on like being myself, sharing that with people, continuing on to be a better writer and musician and seeing what happens.

Like, I'm very I feel like I had to really put things into perspective. Like, what do I want from this? What do I want from releasing music?

[Speaker 2]

You want to make enough money so you could live. That's one of the things you want to do.

[Speaker 1]

I mean, the thing is, yeah, I feel I feel like we all want that. Right. But I think at the end of the day to do it without that expectation or without.

[Speaker 2]

OK. Yeah.

[Speaker 1]

Wanting that. Yeah. Like I I really had to put all that aside.

I don't I'm not.

[Speaker 2]

I think you can't think about. I know I read this, but tell me again. No, you didn't tell me again.

I'm asking you grandmother's name. What was the story on your neck? Because you're going to get asked that every time you're going to get asked.

Yeah.

[Speaker 1]

Well, thank God, because I I need her. My grandmother, she was my dad's mom. You know, I she's from Long Island and I I she was scary.

She scared me as a kid. She was very strong, knew what she wanted. She really didn't care about what anyone had to say or their opinions.

She was very she was a strong woman. And especially for me as a child, I was I feel like I've been I've been a people pleaser since I was like three or four years old. I have no idea when that started.

But by the time I was eight or nine, I was fully embedded and, you know, I can't trust myself and I have to trust everyone else around me. And she was one of those people where I would just look at her like, oh, my God, how is she doing that? You know what I mean?

Like she would just she just had this autonomy in this way about her. And she didn't sing. She could really sing.

And she's saying she sang at church. And, you know, I really struggled. Like I said, I did not think that I could sing at all.

It was difficult for me to say, who cares if I can't sing? I'm going to do it because I like it. And that's kind of where how I started this whole thing.

I just said, just do it. And like a lot of that voice is her. A lot of that voice to me is her.

I lost she's no longer with us. I lost her when we were when I was a teenager. But I feel her with me when I'm on stage.

Like I don't think that was that her name or is that so her her last name was was Hoxie. And I wanted to keep that on. Yeah.

And it was important for me to to continue on and have that as a piece of of who I am as an artist. You know, I think I always want to remember that strength that she had and to to always just carry that with me as Hoxie Ray, you know, and Ray is my nickname as when I was a kid. And.

[Speaker 2]

But here's the great thing about it. You can you could be a great country artist with that name.

[Speaker 1]

Hey, you never know. You never know. You never know.

I'm open.

[Speaker 2]

You're in town. Yeah. She's a national right now.

Come on.

[Speaker 1]

Well, that's the thing. Like, I really am here for the journey. I'm really excited to see what happens.

I'm very, very open to all possibilities.

[Speaker 2]

Do you have a band you have you can go with or tell me a little bit about how you're going to perform?

[Speaker 1]

Are you going to use it?

[Speaker 2]

Yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Speaker 1]

No, that's OK. I have different, you know, friends of mine who will play guitar with me. I especially when I was just kind of doing gigs on my own, that's kind of how I take it.

I do not.

[Speaker 2]

Oh, what do you play then?

[Speaker 1]

That was my very roundabout way of saying that I don't play any instruments. I'm learning piano.

[Speaker 2]

Oh, that's OK. So you know, I know. Yeah.

OK. No, no.

[Speaker 1]

It's important to me, to learn and to. To to learn, I really and it's funny, I will call myself out and say that I bought a piano keyboard in Atlanta and I just carried it around with me to different states because I really wanted to learn the intention was there. Right.

[Speaker 2]

Yeah.

[Speaker 1]

It's still, you know, I'm working on it. But regardless, right now I'm trying really hard to not get to like I feel like maybe further along in my journey, it will be more natural for me to, you know, play it. But I'm still a moving and I do come up with a decent amount, I will say, just playing on the piano with melodies and stuff.

But yeah, I have a couple of different guitarists that I work with and I plan on putting a band together. But for right now, I'm really focused on the overall tone of the album. I feel like or the EP that I feel like it's it's really going to be a reflection of me.

I think that these songs are I'm on my way and I'm proud of them and I love where they're at, but I'm really excited to see, you know, my my EP fully come to life in that way.

[Speaker 2]

Well, that's it for this episode of The Trout Show. Thanks so much for stopping by and a very big special thank you to Miss Hoxie Ray for sitting down and talking to me about her life as a musician. And I want to tell you, I really liked her music.

As soon as I heard it, I said, man, this gal's got some great writing skills and song skills. So I wish her the best as she continues down her musical journey. For more information about her, you can just go to her Instagram site, Hoxie Ray, that's H-O-X-I-E-R-A-E, all one word.

You find her on Instagram. She's also going to find a little bit of her music right now on YouTube and get ready for that EP she's going to bring out in not too distant future. I look forward to hearing it.

I know it's going to be great because I like her music already. Thanks, Hoxie. And a shout out to the guy who keeps the lights on all the time, Mr. David Smith with Edward Jones. Please consider giving him a call if you need some financial advice. He's very good at what he does. Thank you, David, for keeping the support for The Trout Show going.

For more information about The Trout Show, just go to our website at thetroutshow.com. Everything's there. More podcasts, more videos and interviews, history about music, songs.